Very Important Revelation

Good thing i saw this... I was just about to put on my cape and jump off the roof in an attempt to prove that i have the gift of flight....

Instead i will do something safer as an experiment... like attempt to stop a speeding train by placing my foot on the track as a break...

True to life....

I actually got a funny email forward today. Since i don't believe in forwarding emails, i figured i could just get away with posting on my blog for my 3 regular readers....

B

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... uphill BOTH ways yada,yada, yada!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a @#$@# Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the @#$@# library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a
frigging fire.... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!!!!!!!!!
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Oh yea, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

Brilliant....

This is something i look forward to... should be quite amusing.

Election 2008

I was pretending that my vote actually matters and I was trying to nail down who i should vote for in tomorrow's primary.... I did the presidential candidate calculator at www.selectsmart.com

Here were my results with the rankings for each candidate. I left out the candidates who are insignificant in reality, thus why my numbers jump around... (% is the percentage of matching political ideologies with mine)

• 1. Theoretical Candidate (100% matched to my political stances - YES! I agree with myself!)
• 3. Wayne Root (69% - who in the heck??)
• 4. John McCain (68%) (shows how weird my political views are that McCain and Obama are tied)
• 5. Barack Obama (68%) (see above)
• 8. Ron Paul (58%)
• 9. Mitt Romney (52%)
• 13. Stephen Colbert (43%)
• 19. Hilary Clinton (40%)
• 29. Mike Huckabee (29%)
• 30. Mike Gravel (24%)

So at this point it really comes down to Obama and Paul for me. I just can't bring myself to vote for a republican at this point. They just seem to have no connection to reality. I really like Obama personally and I think he really inspires people. I think that is probably more important in a president at this juncture in our government. So even though i may disagree with some issues he supports, i think he is the best for getting this country going in a better direction.

Plus: I had a dream last night that i was shuffling Obama and his wife around from campaign stop to campaign stop. I was driving a beat-up old toyota corolla. There must be some deep psychological meaning to that. (I need your input my cuz, Dr. Piccone) I think that confirms I will vote for him.

But the following photo confirms it for me. How can I not vote for this guy?

REPOST: Dentist or Death?

In honor of my trip to the dentist yesterday I have chosen to repost a blog i wrote in 2005. I must tell you though that my trip to the dentist was really not that bad. But that could just be a result of the valium and deep breathing exercises...

From 2005:

Well today I enjoyed some quality time with my dentist. Now I know that for many of you that seems like a insignificant event, yet for those of us with severe cases of "dentophobia" it is like meeting the grim reaper himself. I find it very ironic that that the tool of death used by dentists of all over the world is remarkably similar to the tool wielded by death himself.

I thought you might better understand my suffering if I answered the dental phobia questions for you.

Do you feel slight uneasiness and tension the evening prior to your dental visit, which makes you cancel your dental appointment?
Yes, I stay awake all night staring at the ceiling, last night Ella kept me up late so i had plenty of time to think thoroughly about my appointment. I cancelled my last appointment. Angie said, "If you really don't want to go, cancel it!" So i did, then i learned that she was not serious...

While waiting in the reception area of the dental office, do you feel nervous about the visit?
Today, I sat in the waiting room reading the first paragraph of Tiger Wood's recommendations for hitting out of a sandtrap in Golf Digest Magazine. I read it about 45 times. I have no idea what was after the 3rd word...

Have you had a prior dental experience that was unpleasant? While in the dental chair, do you feel uneasy and anxious?
Is there such thing as a dental experience that was 'pleasant'? While in the dental chair I contemplated what i could throw through the window and escape with. I also examined the cabinets to see if they were large enough for me to hide in. Or perhaps i could climb into the air conditioning vent...

Does the thought of having a dental exam make you feel physically ill and tense?
If you asked me to lay in the parking lot and let you run my legs over with the car, i would be less tense.

Does seeing the dentist or dental hygienist's instruments make you anxious?
This was the productive part of today's saga. I came to the realization that i am not phobic of the dentist, but the scraper tool of death. I survived the x-rays in a suprisingly calm manner. When the tool was unsheathed i think my blood pressure went from already high to 423/298...

Do you feel embarrassed that the dentist will say you have the worst mouth they have ever seen?
I don't like the dentist, why would i care what he thinks...plus dentists aren't real people anyway, they are robots created specifically for torturing people.

Do objects placed in your mouth during the dental visit make you panic and feel like you cannot breath correctly?
Pretty much when you place any object in my mouth for an extended time, i have difficulty breathing. I think that is normal. It does seem especially difficult when your mouth is filled with latex and metal tools.

Do you feel that your dentist is unsympathetic only with you?
No i feel like he is unsympathetic with all humans. This goes back to the robot hypothesis.